What To Expect In A Relationship

Now that you've mastered the rules of attraction, here are some guidelines to keeping things running smoothly...

First things first, pat yourself on the back. Getting to this stage is difficult enough with all the awkward, nervous moments that precede the actual initiation into a relationship. You’ve earned this title! Now you just have to deal with the pressure to keep it. Don’t fret, however, things aren’t as scary as they might initially seem. As long as you pay attention to a few key areas of your relationship, it’s sure to succeed.

TIME: Ok, now that you have someone new in your life that you care about, it means that you’re going to have less time in other areas. This isn’t a bad thing of course, but time-management is key. You want to balance both your personal time (which you need) with the time devoted to your bf/gf (which s/he deserves).

SELF-IDENTITY: You have one now, but be watch out. It’s very tempting to meld into a single unity when you’re in a relationship. “While compromise in a relationship is a necessary ingredient for it's success, denying the core of who you are is not,” says relationship counselor. “When you finally realize that an all-consuming relationship is depleting you, there will be nothing but resentment and identity-conflict.” In order to avoid this situation, you need to make sure that you maintain your own life and interests outside of the relationship. A relationship is based around two individuals coming together to benefit one another, if you have no life outside of each other then you cannot bring anything new into your relationship and it therefore cannot grow.

FRIENDS: High-five! You’re friends are excited that you found someone, but chances are that they’re also a little worried about your new relationship. Why? Because it means that you have less time for them. No, it’s not a selfish thing, but it is something that you need to make sure you pay attention to. Your friends want you to be happy, but they also don’t want you to disappear. Make sure you have nights when it’s just you and your buds. Your partner should appreciate that you’re paying attention to all the important relationships in your life—not just your romantic one.

COMMUNCATION: Even though you’ve both agreed that you want to be together there are going to be things that you disagree with down the road. No two people work the same way. One person might want to take the relationship faster than the other, one person might need more space, and one person might find be more of home-buddy than a social butterfly. Understand that your partner is unique and embrace them for that, while also introducing them to what makes you special too.

Let your partner know what you expect out of the relationship. This doesn’t mean that you have to dump everything on the table on Day 1, but if you need to talk about an issue that you’re dealing with or express a concern that you have, you should feel comfortable doing so. Do not play games, honesty is always the most effective way of getting your point across. Relationships are based around communication and one facet of that is trusting that your partner is both willing to listen to your feelings and respects them.

DATES: Spending time together is key in a relationship. You want to keep everything as exciting and new as it was before you started dating, while also allowing yourself to sink into a comfort zone. When you plan dates, try to have both nights that you go out and nights that you stay in. This will allow you to go out and experience new things together that are conversation starters (like movies, museums, parks), while also allowing you to have cozy nights in where you can strengthen your physical bond (kiss, snuggle, kiss, kiss).

INTIMACY: Being intimate with your boyfriend or girlfriend is part of what distinguishes your relationship as a romantic one. However, this does not mean that you have to have sex. Pay attention to what you feel comfortable with doing and do not allow yourself to feel pressured. This is one area of your relationship where you don’t owe anyone anything but yourself. You come first. Only go as far as you feel comfortable. If your partner needs an explanation as to why you need to stop at a certain point, have the confidence and the assertiveness to say, Hey…I like you but the this is where I’m at right now and I need you to be okay with that if this is going to work. Other than that…have fun with your new hot honey!