An Act of Giving Up: Makes You Smart

I am not getting any younger anymore. It’s the ill-fated truth, that all relationships are not going to end well, yet we can’t help but look back and wonder where all the feeling went. It’s about time we admit to ourselves that some problems just can’t be worked through, and maybe it’s not that we’re giving up on a relationship, but rather just getting smart. Many of us have stayed in a relationship long past its ending. There is a fine line between fighting for a relationship that you’re happy in and fighting for a relationship that you’ve just grown accustomed to.

Although it’s difficult to let go, you can usually tell that breaking up might be for the best when you’re trying too hard, or you feel like you’re getting hurt too much. We are supposed to turn to our significant others when there are problems – not have the main problems in our lives be our significant others. But despite the problems that continue to arise, we persist. The fights become more frustrating in their repetition. Even the makeup sex is not worth it anymore.

If things become so tense, why do we continue? You’re comfortable being with the person, but after awhile, you’re not getting all that you want out of the relationship, but it’s there, so it’s hard to stop. You not only invest a lot of time and work into maintaining a relationship, but you also end up giving so much of yourself to the other person that breaking up isn’t just leaving that person, but rather leaving behind a part of yourself as well.

And frankly, it’s terrifying to just walk away from someone who is such a significant part of your life.

But we shouldn’t see breaking up as this big dead end. We should rather see it as an end to something that was good in the past, and that we don’t have to cling to define ourselves. It’s the aftermath of a breakup that is the most frightening. You have to tell your family and friends; you no longer think in terms of “we”; and then the most dreaded moment: changing your Friendster status from “In a Relationship” to “Single” as the cursed cold-heartedly declare your recent loss to all. Remember that your relationship is not you. It’s just a part of your life, and in no way does it embody your entire personality. Yes, it hurts to let go of the past, but the relationship may be hurting you more.

You have to take that chance; feel unsafe. Then be brave enough to continue feeling unsafe once the relationship has ended. This will actually be what ends up defining you and making you a better person. I speak from personal experience. Except that it took a lot of physical distance – an entire ocean (of SMB Light, just kidding!). In fact – until I learned to put emotional distance between myself and an old relationship. The breakup was painful, but I survived it. After the hurt, I can say that I’ve truly grown. After writing the “Act of Forgiveness” and “My Phase of Recovery: SELF LOVE” from my previous blog, I was able to experience life without inhibitions, and I had a chance to redefine myself as an individual and not as part of a couple.

You actually need to put distance between you and an old significant other, and what matters most is make yourself independent, or better yet, “become more independent” and to live a life that doesn’t involve that person. Take some risks, and after you experience life on your own, you will have a better idea of what you want out of it.

I feel that every relationship you’re in is a reflection of yourself. You just take what you can from your past relationship: You pack what’s good and trash the one you don’t need, unless you want extra baggage? It won’t do you good.

Everything in, (especially in mine, thank you to the secretary of upcoming ambassador!, he made me realize of my potential...) My relationship was a very good experience, because I know at the end of the day, I am not the one who loses ... I learned, and I think I should! (If not, I will be receiving the PLATINUM COCONUT AWARD!) I become a stronger person for it.

Ending a comfy, yet unpleasant relationship allows you to grow as an individual...stop dwelling on the past and focus instead on a future that could be so much brighter.

..... thank you for giving time to read and happy reading!

-single daddy