"Hey, it's okay to believe in yourself, but never again compromise your daughter’s welfare, she needs you and she wants you to be happy."
...with so much love and many many thanks for just being there...
...one man's journey down the road, a blog about being , a lover, and everything that happens in between!
I have learned much about life and myself in a very short time. Introspection and analysis have certainly brought some insights, but nothing has taught me more than pain. The world as I had known it turned upside down, and all of my hopes, fears, and understanding ended up in a cluttered pile. I have tried to reduce the mess of my life, to simplify and finalize the process in one fast cut. And each time I have been shown it is just not that simple, and that the process is a long way from any final place of understanding.
On that day, I took one small step toward making peace with the past, realizing that scars and bad memories are not all that it has given me. Being solely responsible for my life is an incredible burden, but it is also my motivation and my direction. As in any relationship, we have our good times and our bad. Sometimes I get afraid or worn down, and I yell a little louder than I should. Other times, when I'm feeling lost and in the dark, it is love and patience that bring me back to real life, to the moment. Now, it seems logical that I should be able to simply remove the faulty wiring and make a nice, smooth re-entry into normal life. Contrary to all of my rational, instincts, however, I've had to accept that logic is powerless against the raw, hard force of emotional disaster. Rather than smashing down the past, I must instead learn to carry it, accept it, and build upon the rocky foundation of my life. This is more than living; it is growth and survival.
The best thoughts, it seems, come during the times when I can embrace the entire drama of my life-the pain, the fear, the endless and demanding work, the memories. All of these are moving to form me, to shape my growth. This is my life, and every moment, good or bad, is a piece of who I am and who I will become. Of all the talking, listening, thinking, and explaining I've done in this past, no words have been nearly as relevant or as humbling as these. When I can hold the suffering and sadness in my heart, and look with eyes that continue to see beauty, it is then that I truly am alive.
Each day there are a hundred mistakes and a thousand chances to do better. Life has become a series of challenges, triumphs, and defeats. My heart is often heavy, but my mind knows that I am free again and willing to begin, over and over, to make the best of what I have been given. Some nights, all I can do is crash and burn; but in the morning, like some broken-winged bird, aiming again for another try at flying.
--- single daddy
Although it’s difficult to let go, you can usually tell that breaking up might be for the best when you’re trying too hard, or you feel like you’re getting hurt too much. We are supposed to turn to our significant others when there are problems – not have the main problems in our lives be our significant others. But despite the problems that continue to arise, we persist. The fights become more frustrating in their repetition. Even the makeup sex is not worth it anymore.
If things become so tense, why do we continue? You’re comfortable being with the person, but after awhile, you’re not getting all that you want out of the relationship, but it’s there, so it’s hard to stop. You not only invest a lot of time and work into maintaining a relationship, but you also end up giving so much of yourself to the other person that breaking up isn’t just leaving that person, but rather leaving behind a part of yourself as well.
And frankly, it’s terrifying to just walk away from someone who is such a significant part of your life.
But we shouldn’t see breaking up as this big dead end. We should rather see it as an end to something that was good in the past, and that we don’t have to cling to define ourselves. It’s the aftermath of a breakup that is the most frightening. You have to tell your family and friends; you no longer think in terms of “we”; and then the most dreaded moment: changing your Friendster status from “In a Relationship” to “Single” as the cursed cold-heartedly declare your recent loss to all. Remember that your relationship is not you. It’s just a part of your life, and in no way does it embody your entire personality. Yes, it hurts to let go of the past, but the relationship may be hurting you more.
You have to take that chance; feel unsafe. Then be brave enough to continue feeling unsafe once the relationship has ended. This will actually be what ends up defining you and making you a better person. I speak from personal experience. Except that it took a lot of physical distance – an entire ocean (of SMB Light, just kidding!). In fact – until I learned to put emotional distance between myself and an old relationship. The breakup was painful, but I survived it. After the hurt, I can say that I’ve truly grown. After writing the “Act of Forgiveness” and “My Phase of Recovery: SELF LOVE” from my previous blog, I was able to experience life without inhibitions, and I had a chance to redefine myself as an individual and not as part of a couple.
You actually need to put distance between you and an old significant other, and what matters most is make yourself independent, or better yet, “become more independent” and to live a life that doesn’t involve that person. Take some risks, and after you experience life on your own, you will have a better idea of what you want out of it.
I feel that every relationship you’re in is a reflection of yourself. You just take what you can from your past relationship: You pack what’s good and trash the one you don’t need, unless you want extra baggage? It won’t do you good.
Everything in, (especially in mine, thank you to the secretary of upcoming ambassador!, he made me realize of my potential...) My relationship was a very good experience, because I know at the end of the day, I am not the one who loses ... I learned, and I think I should! (If not, I will be receiving the PLATINUM COCONUT AWARD!) I become a stronger person for it.
Ending a comfy, yet unpleasant relationship allows you to grow as an individual...stop dwelling on the past and focus instead on a future that could be so much brighter.
..... thank you for giving time to read and happy reading!
Where you were,
I did not see you.
So close to me,
but yet so veiled.
Quietly you waited,
upon my invitations;
but still, somehow,
I failed to note
of you, yearning
to be with me,
Finally when I knew
of you, your devotion,
so foolishly I did feel,
like a simpleton.
For I had looked
so very hard for you,
but I just did not looked
clear, in front of me,
where you were
. . . just there.
...for wakin... andyan ka lang pala...salamat...
Could you be the one for me?
Could you be my find?
Could it be, after all this time,
Fate is going to be kind?
Could you be the one for me,
The one to help me forget
The man that broke my heart, my soul
The man that haunts me yet?
You tell me that I'm beautiful
Something I've never heard
But the one still lives here in my mind
That couldn't spare a kind word
It's going to be hard to forget
And pick up the pieces he left
Could you be the one to teach
How to love again and forget?
Could you be the one to come
And mend my broken heart?
Are you willing to piece together
What another broke apart?
It won't be an easy job, you see
My road has been long and rough
And the heart that was once so soft
Is now shut, locked, and tough
But I can feel my heart open again
It's opening for you
Just come in, and love me back
That's all you have to do
I must ask you one small thing
Before we kiss
Please be nice and kind to me
I'm tired of broken hearts...
As luck would have it, part of what drove my want for love was indignity. My humiliation grew from my sensitive awareness of my neediness. Because I was ashamed, I therefore did not perceive myself as being a lovable or worthwhile person. My embarrassment, in turn, resulted in low self-esteem and deeper shame.
A significant breakthrough occurred when I finally admitted my shame about my feelings of low self-worth (both to myself and to another person). Admitting the shame liberated me from it.
Before, I had worked very hard to deny both my shame and my low self-worth, because I desperately wanted to deny that low self-worth was one of my core issues. Because of the denial, my shame and my low self-worth persisted—one feeding endlessly on the other. By denying my shame and my low self-worth, I remained bound to it. By admitting my shame and my low self-worth, and more importantly, accepting both as a part of myself, I released myself from the shame, freed myself to accept myself unconditionally, and gave myself permission to start loving and esteeming all of me.
"Whatever you hold in your mind will tend to occur in your life. If you continue to believe as you have always believed, you will continue to act as you have always acted. If you continue to act as you have always acted, you will continue to get what you have always gotten. If you want different results in your life or your work, all you have to do is change your mind."
Continued belief to myself as a lovable and worthwhile person no longer depends upon an external source or upon external affirmation. I no longer "need" another person to constantly affirm my worth or relieve my shame by loving me (i.e., since I lost someone whom I really love and cared for, I must not be worth loving). I can give myself all the affirmation and love I need. Since my need for love and external affirmation is no longer an issue, the shame associated with my low self-worth is gone.
I am a lovable and worthwhile person! And I deserved someone who will treat a such!
Now I can affirm it and truly believe it. Equally important, I now have an abundance of genuine self-love, which I can draw upon and give away love to others.
To use a similarity, it's just as if I had an empty account in my "love" bank. I was erroneously waiting and longing for someone else to make the needed deposits, unaware that I could have been making huge deposits for myself all along. Now I have an abundance of love to give away. Because I have love to give away, I am truly a love-able person. I am no longer needy; I am healthy, and thus, even more lovable. By embracing and accepting my shame and my low self-worth, which someone has showed me, I empowered myself to change. I have an infinite Source and reserve of love and self-esteem for myself.
The impossibility of learning self-love is this—the more love I give myself, the more love I have to give away. The love account is never depleted. I can now give healthy love from the abundance of my own love and my own wholeness. True recovery is about giving clean, healthy, unconditional love, not getting love. My life is now characterized by an ever-expanding circle of love, rather than a downward spiral deeper into shame.
Finally, all this healthy self-love unlocks the door to true self-esteem. Self-esteem and self-love are essential. Because I am able to love myself and others unconditionally, I esteem myself; I hold myself in high regard; I value myself; I perceive myself as an able-to-give-love, worthwhile person. The abundance of my self-love is the clean, healthy gift of unconditional love I can now bring to all my relationships.
These are really very powerful... implement whenever you can.
1. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. And while you walk, smile. It is the ultimate anti-depressant.
2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day. Buy a lock if you have to.
3. Record your late night shows and get more sleep.
4. When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement, "My purpose is to____ today."
5. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.
6. Watch more movies, play more games and read more books than you did in 2007.
7. Make time to practice meditation, yoga, tai chi, and prayer. They provide us with daily fuel for our busy lives.
8. Spend more time with people over the age of 70 and under the age of 6.
9. Dream more while you are awake.
10. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
11. Drink green tea and plenty of water. Eat blueberries, wild Alaskan salmon, broccoli, almonds & walnuts .
12. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
13. Clear your clutter from your house, your car, your desk and let new and flowing energy into your life .
14. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
15. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
16. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college kid.
17. Smile and laugh more. It will keep the energy vampires away.
18. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
20. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does .
21. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
22. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
23. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about .
24. Burn the candles, use the nice bed sheets, Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years, will this matter?"
27. Forgive everyone for everything.
28. What other people think of you is none of your business .
29. Time heals almost everything. Give time, time .
30. However good or bad a situation is, it will change. So stop complaining about the weather, the job, the rents etc etc
31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
32. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
33. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
34. The best is yet to come.
35. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
36. Do the right thing!
37. Call your family often.
38. Each night before you go to bed complete the following statements: " am thankful for ___." Today I accomplished ____.
39. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.
40. Enjoy the ride. Remember that this is not Disney World and you certainly don't want a fast pass. You only have one ride through life so make the most of it and enjoy the ride.
''The best and beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart''